


a drop in the ocean

by ashyponys



Category: GOT7, JB - Fandom, Jaebeom - Fandom, Kpop - Fandom, Youngjae - Fandom, Yugyeom - Fandom, bambam - Fandom, jackson - Fandom, jaebum - Fandom, jinyoung - Fandom, mark - Fandom - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, slef harming mark tuan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 09:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20690909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashyponys/pseuds/ashyponys
Summary: Mark’s in love.so in love that he’ll do anything, anything for themwill he be able to win their hearts or not?read to find out





	a drop in the ocean

**Author's Note:**

> May be late updates, in sorry about that. 
> 
> Most of the things in here are real feelings that i’ve felt
> 
> If you don’t like it, please don’t say anything mean, just don’t read
> 
> ⚠️ english is not my first language, so i’m sorry if my grammar is wrong. i’m trying my best ⚠️

lonely. that’s how he felt, absolute lonely. even now, with thousands of people right in front of him. of course he tried to be happy for the fans. but it’s hard with the voices in his head, telling him that he’s not worth it. “they’re not here for you, dummy.” “who would want you?” but he’s been keeping his wall up for so long, it’s starting to become a natural thing. he’d smile every time one of his members walked into the room. desperately trying to prove that he’s fine. nothing’s wrong with him. everyone hear voices sometimes, right? but deep down, deep deep down he knows. he knows that no, it’s not that many people who hears voices in their head. it’s not a common thing, having voices pushing them down, telling them how no one cares, convincing them that everyone would be better if without them. 

“mark hyung?” he’s pulled out of his thought by that sweet voice that he loves so much. of course he knows the voice of his beloved youngjae. “what? yes?” he knows. he knows that it’s thousands of people watching them. recording them. he’s being careful, making sure to not say anything he would regret. the look of hurt that flashes across youngjae’s face makes his heart drop, oh no. oh god no. he’s done it again, he didn’t mean to. but he did. he hurt one of his beloved ones. he knows, he knows that it’s not normal. but then again, when have he ever been normal. maybe once, when he was little. he would play with his friends. he misses that, not his friends no. he doesn’t need friends. but being happy. being able to smile and not caring about what other people thought of him. because now, that’s all he cares about. what will his fans think? what will his members thinks? what will management think? he’s scared. he’s so scared, but he’s even more scared of admitting it.

wouldn’t it be so easy to just tell someone? doesn’t matter who. preferably a member. asking them for help, for guidance. yes, he’s the oldest hyung, he’s supposed to take care of the younger ones. but he’s just not able too. maybe it all would be better if he just quitted. all his members wouldn’t have to deal with him. the management would be happier, now having to deal with his useless self. their stylist wouldn’t have to fuss over him having bruises everywhere. in conclusion, everything would be better.

but he can’t bring himself to do it. because he’s selfish. he’s so deeply in love with the other six boys that he lives with that nothing else matters. nothing at all, as long as he gets to spend time with them. they’re everything he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, i hope you like it. 
> 
> an update will come as soon as possible


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